Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
