OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
