Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
