im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize