That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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