i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hippo gnu deer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
