OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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