And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
