I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
