I cannot find my penis.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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