This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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