Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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