that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
