He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
