I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
