the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
