They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
