i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
