i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
