screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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