no, he came in my armpit
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
