FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
