i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
