Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
