You're so nebulous sometimes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
