It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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