I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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