I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
