Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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