I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
