I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize
