i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
