ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
did you just send me my own nude
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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