where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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