i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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