There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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