Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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