Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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