found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
