thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
