Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
