What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
