I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
BRING THE BAGELS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
