Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
