we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
