Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
