Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
