Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
