Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
