Sponge bath it is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
