She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
