theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
