All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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