i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
