you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
