It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this will be a night to untag.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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