It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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