There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
