wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
