I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
