Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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