So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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