Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize