I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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