office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
