talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
