I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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