I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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