my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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