Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
