My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
