Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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