She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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