I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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