How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
