Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize