I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Congratulations! We have a period
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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