i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
