i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
