Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
do nipples grow back?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
