My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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