half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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