i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
