her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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