Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
