Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
