So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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